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Worldwide Ace » Story

Worldwide Ace

Because a true Ace is needed everywhere…

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Category: Story

Crash and Smolder

23 August, 2004 (23:13) | Story | 24 comments

The wind rushed through my hair, slipping its long golden locks all over the place… no, wait, that was Fabio. I have short black hair. But still, the wind was rushing through as I zipped down the sidewalk homeward bound. Usually, I hit about 30 MPH pumping the peddles down Pearl street. I know because […]

The Tale of the Suicidal Motherfuckin’ Bee

22 July, 2004 (23:50) | Story | 12 comments

The Tale of the Suicidal Motherfuckin’ Bee as narrated by Eddie Murphy Once upon a time, there was a bee. His name was Harold. Harold had always been a hard worker. He would go out and collect pollen for the honey factory and come home to mate with the queen like a good drone does. […]

The Dead Morning Light

13 April, 2004 (20:45) | Story | No comments

HONG KONG PHOOEY WAS LIVID WITH RAGE, his fists pumping in unbridled anger. “They can’t do this to you!” he yelled, his canine jaw moving so unnaturally as he spoke through clenched teeth. “They can’t treat you like that!” “It’s just nature taking it’s course, HK,” I replied, rolling my eyes at his ire. “I […]

Italian Money Laundering

6 April, 2004 (20:13) | Story | 4 comments

THE SPAGEHETTI SAT STEAMING IN FRONT OF ME like a newly delivered calf in the cold morning air. “But you don’t get paid for that. You don’t, do you?” I asked. “No. The last time they offered, told them no because I was on unemployment and if they paid me, it stops,” said Thor. It’s […]

The Raven

17 February, 2004 (18:23) | Story | No comments

The snow fell gently everywhere; thick like a soup, but dripping down like a strobe-lighted waterfall. I drove slowly, my mind focused on my lack of snow tires. Thor says you’re crazy to drive in winter around here without them. I disagree. I skidded around turns at 20 miles an hour and barely anyone was […]

Elf

3 November, 2003 (04:36) | Story | No comments

I always thought elves were short and stout and wore fuzzy suits in insanely bright colors that hurt the eyes. Or maybe they’re tall and noble and spend the dawns and dusks prancing through dimly lit forests, leaping from branch to branch in praise of their woodland goddess. Or perhaps they’re lithe and wispy creatures […]

Allegorical Nonsense

3 November, 2002 (21:39) | Story | No comments

Tonight, I have a special lesson in mind. One that people may find hard to understand, possibly even offensive in nature. You see, when discussing sensitive matters, it’s sometimes better to beat around the bush. Be forewarned that this story is awkward and can be taken the wrong way. In fact, pleased take it the […]

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