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Food for Geeks

14 June, 2007 (00:55) | Creativity

In an effort to expand “brand recognition”, Google has announced that it’s going to enter the food industry so it can be a part of this complete breakfast as well as this complete internet. Google Cereal, which should be hitting shelves at a supermarket near you sometime next year, has already planned a major advertising campaign centered on the slogan, “The cereal that’s one in a million… zeros.”

Google President of Products Larry Page told reporters that “this is merely the another step in many for the branching out of the Google brand name.” A day after Apple released a beta edition of its Safari web browser for Windows, Google has topped it with in entrance into the world of food. “We see this as a stepping stone to other Google products at the dinner table and in the kitchen,” said Page.

Criticism from stock holders in General Mills, many of whom sold off their stock causing a dip in value from the opening $59.22 all the way down to $58.59 around two PM, caused Steve Sanger, CEO of General Mills, to issue the following statement in a press release late Wednesday:

“I know many of you believe that we already had a good brand name with Cheerios, but we believe that expanding into the geek market could be beneficial both to geeks, most of whom often lack the ability to eat right and exercise, and to us here at General Mills. Cheerios, while successful with people with cholesterol problems, has been sorely lacking with out of shape losers like geeks. Hopefully, by using a brand name as well known as Google, we can reach these difficult markets and make a difference in the quality of life of all geeks everywhere.”

Shortly after the press release, General Mills stock rebounded to close at a high of $59.52.

Though stockholders seem to be happy with General Mills decision, there is already discussion of other geek themed foods.

The Open Group, owners of the Unix trademark, briefly discussed another whole grain cereal to be sold as open source cereal under the Unix brand name. While the original idea was met with positive feedback, the proposed tag line, “Do you have the balls for Unix?” was quashed after marketers realized the connection to the homonym of eunuchs.

Novell Linux also experimented with a possible cereal tie in, but General Mills denied their request, citing unoriginality. Ronald Hovsepian, Novell’s CEO, said, “they probably thought they were being funny when General Mills told us the idea wasn’t ‘novel enough,’ but Kellogg’s took our idea seriously and we’re still hopeful of beating out Google as top internet themed cereal by 2010.”

Other rumored geek foods include Little Debbie’s “Ho O’s,” a chocolaty cereal aimed at geeks that attempts to capitalize on their already established snack foods, Binary Cereal, a generic Google cereal from Kroger that will contain more ones, and Apple Flavored Google Cereal, a two-brand crossover that’s supposedly “the next big thing in breakfast” according to Steve Jobs.

As of the printing of this article, Microsoft is not planning on joining the collective foray to the breakfast table.

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  • I’m so scared because I can’t tell if you’re kidding or not.

  • I’m so scared because I can’t tell if you’re kidding or not.

  • Totally kidding, though the General Mills stock fluctuations are really from yesterday and all the names are real.

  • Totally kidding, though the General Mills stock fluctuations are really from yesterday and all the names are real.