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Worldwide Ace » Digital Deference

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Digital Deference

16 December, 2006 (16:48) | Creativity

The screw spun into place, locking the power supply into the back of the case. I stared at it, my breath slowing as I deftly clicked connectors into place in preparation for the first power up. The power cable snaked from the wall beneath my Glade® Plug-in®, across the patchwork piles of papers and clothes that covered my floor, up onto my now dusty bed. I reached down and grabbed the end, closing my eyes as I connected it to the computer. I slowly began to crack my right eye and peek out at the circuitry, carefully watching for any of the little LEDs to glow with life-giving electricity. The system remained dark.

“I’m going to give it the reach around,” I announced to nobody in particular.

“What?” yelled Stout, his voice barely audible over the Boondocks after careening around the corners and into my room.

“Nothing,” I called back, my hand falling on the rear power switch in back. I flipped it, holding my breath. After a moment of nothing, a yellow LED popped on, signaling power coursing from the new supply into my motherboard. A grin spread across my face as I reached towards the front power button, impatiently awaiting the true test of whether my motherboard would blow a third power supply in three weeks, this one fresh off the UPS truck.

I pressed firmly, feeling the button click into place. The fans snapped to life, spinning and gyrating a sorely missed sound into the late night. I basked in the buzz and vibration emanating from my mechanical marvel. Nothing feels this good, I thought to myself, my laurels firmly entrenched in their respective resting spots.

Suddenly, a thought struck me. My smile faded and shock set in. “My god…” I murmured.

For a second time, a single yelp of confusion from Stout reached my ears. “My god,” I repeated, my voice loud enough to make sure my clarification was heard.

“You don’t have a god,” said Stout. “You’re a Jew.” I traipsed into the basement, my face a mixture of annoyance at his smart ass remark and the raw shock I continued to feel.

“Irrelevant,” I said.

“Then what’s the problem?”

I stared at him, carefully choosing my words. “If my computer were broken, as it is now, I would fix it, even if a gorgeous naked women were in my bed pining for me.” Slowly the look of confusion in his eyes changed to a look of disdain. “I wouldn’t even think twice about it.” I swung my left hand palm up. “Fixing my computer…” My right hand quickly followed. “Sex with a beautiful woman… No matter how I weigh it, there really isn’t a whole lot that would tear me away from my electronics.” Silence wafted over the room as the Boondocks theme faded away. “I mean, I’m not saying I wouldn’t be tempted. It might even take me an extra 15-20 minutes to fix shit if there were a naked woman in my bed, but I wouldn’t be deterred.”

“So you’re saying you’d rather fix your computer than have sex?”

“Yup.” We stared at each other. “This scares me. It’s not healthy.”

“No. It’s not.” He paused, carefully considering the situation. “Why?” he asked.

“Why what?”

“Why would you choose your computer over sex?”

“I don’t know,” I said, the confused look on my face transmitting my sincerity.

“Do you have a lot of porn on it?”

“Well… yes, but it’s mostly on my laptop.”

“Oh,” he said, the cogs turning in his head around this answer. “So your desktop is like your tired, old wife and your laptop is like the mistress on the side: younger, slimmer and all your friends like her more.”

I snickered. “Plus, she’s mobile and willing to do it in strange places.”