One Night at the Walnut Brewery
She sneezed as I passed, nearly knocking her head into my shoulder. I turned to her and said, “you must be allergic to HOT. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. Please, accept my humblest apologies.”
She slapped me.
I don’t get how Ironman can be less confident than I am. He’s better looking than I am, smarter than I am, and certainly has a lot more beautiful lady friends than I do. Somehow, he still can’t seem to even have the semblance of relationships. This isn’t to say he doesn’t try, but he can’t even bring himself to ask a girl out. Tonight is a case and point.
Ironman, Little Bear and I went out to eat at the Walnut Brewery. Little Bear is in a committed relationship with his Smurfette, so already he’s got a leg up on the both of us. The majority of the evening, we talked about the various staff at the Walnut: who’s hotter; who’s cuter; who’s our type. Little Bear immediately made the statement that the head hostess was by far the best looking woman in the place. Ironman and I both contended that our waitress Ashley was far more attractive.
Just to give you an idea of what they looked like (and because keeps complaining I don’t talk about women like men normally do), Ashley was about 5′5″, highlighted brown hair, and deep brown eyes. She wore a lot of turquoise jewelry including two necklaces (one with many dangley bits) and earrings. She had a cute, squeaky voice and a brilliant smile. Her uniform didn’t really show off her body, but you could still tell she had nice size breasts, not large, but not small, and excellent curves.
The head hostess was about 5′10″ with her heels. She had bleached blonde hair which looked to be naturally light brown. She definitely had the figure of stripper or model; large breasts, great legs and ass. Still, there was something about her that made her look just like any other blonde sorority sister. Which isn’t to say she wasn’t attractive, but that there just wasn’t anything setting her apart.
When I expressed the opinion that I found Ashley more attractive than the hostess, Ironman agreed. Little Bear immediately retorted, “you guys are crazy. Our waitress is hittable, but the hostess is PERFECT!”
“She may be hittable to you, but to me, she’s a miracle,” I said. Once again, Ironman agreed.
Throughout the evening, we continued to discuss and eventually decided that Ironman should ask Ashley out. Of course, Ironman, being the chicken that he is, didn’t. Little Bear even went as far as to recommend that he “just whip it out,” explaining that it had worked for him in the past (high school). Right… that’s just wrong.
Even so, it was quite obvious that Ashley was making far more eye contact with Little Bear and myself than with Ironman. Towards the end of the meal, I decided I’d ask her out, simply because Ironman couldn’t. We paid our bill and I headed to the bathroom while Little Bear and Ironman waited outside. On my way back from the bathroom, I glanced about looking for Ashley, but there was no sign of her. Perhaps I should’ve stayed and asked her out, but I decided just to go instead. Still, I don’t understand the fear. What’s the worst that happens? She says no.
Perhaps I’ll never understand. I, too, was once too afraid to ask a girl out. In some cases I still am. But at least I understand it’s an irrational fear and can overcome it when I really want to.
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Comments
Comment from bassist
Time: June 25, 2005, 12:53 am
But what’s the worst that happens?
Comment from otioselyyours
Time: June 25, 2005, 12:56 am
I’m a Leo, right?
Right.
And Leos are notorious for being proud creatures, right?
Right.
Donc, I imagine it has something to do with that.
I’m far too in love with myself to handle the reality that I’m actually rather undesirable.
Or something. Maybe. Probably.
I’m just pulling at straws here.
Comment from bassist
Time: June 25, 2005, 1:00 am
Everything applies to everyone if you look for it. That’s why astrology works. It’s properly vague. In fact, you’re probably not actually a leo since the constellations have moved an entire month from where they were originally.
Ignoring astrology, you still didn’t answer the question. What’s the worst that could happen?
Comment from otioselyyours
Time: June 25, 2005, 1:03 am
He pulls out a gun and shoots me dead for insulting him so?
Comment from bassist
Time: June 25, 2005, 1:35 am
Umm… do you always go for the homocidal maniacs?
Multiple options from best to worst:
- He rips your cloths off and fucks your brains out.
- He kisses you.
- He says yes; you have a wonderful time.
- He says yes; you have terrible time and never see him again.
- he says yes
- He says no.
- He laughs at you.
- He brutally attacks you.
- He kills you for asking.
Now let’s look at how likely that is:
- 1 in 1,000,000,000
- 1 in 1,000,000.
- 1 in 300
- 1 in 100
- 1 in 20
- 1 in 5
- 1 in 100
- 1 in 1,000,000,000
- 1 in 1,000,000,000,000
That stated, we’ve found that you’re most likely to get turned down, but you’re 2nd most likely to get a yes. Plus, if you don’t try, you’ll never know.
Comment from altamira16
Time: June 25, 2005, 6:14 am
Wait staff have to be the most hit on people on the planet. They are paid to be nice because being nice means bigger tips. In actuality, they hate your guts. Well, that may not be true, but I would recommend not hitting on the wait staff.
Comment from otioselyyours
Time: June 25, 2005, 10:33 am
SO, I have a 1 in 201,000,085 chance that something good comes of it or he at least says yes?
Compared to a 1 in 250,250,026 chance that he says no.
Hmmm…
(Keep in mind math is not my forte so those numbers are very likely off.)
Never knowing is still the most appealing option.
Comment from bassist
Time: June 25, 2005, 11:22 am
I used to work as a waiter, and yes, I know they’re nice even when they don’t like you. However, it’s pretty clear cut the difference between courtesy kindness and real kindness. Ironman claimed that hitting on wait staff is a tremendous “faux pas,” and in most cases I’d agree. Still, if I ask her out and she says no, I’ve lost nothing and nor has she. Personally, I find that getting asked out, even when I decline is flattering.
Comment from bassist
Time: June 25, 2005, 11:23 am
Where did those numbers come from???
Comment from otioselyyours
Time: June 25, 2005, 11:27 am
Where did YOURS come from?
Comment from bassist
Time: June 25, 2005, 11:30 am
My ass. But that was pretty obvious.
Comment from otioselyyours
Time: June 25, 2005, 11:33 am
Well, there ya go.
Mine were a byproduct of your excrement.
Comment from bassist
Time: June 25, 2005, 11:36 am
Hardly. My numbers where stiff and rigid; full of fiber. Yours obviously had enough leeway that they had to be the runs. There’s no way they’re from the same batch.
Comment from otioselyyours
Time: June 25, 2005, 11:44 am
Hehehe…I have nothing more to say.
Comment from wholesomedick
Time: June 25, 2005, 12:25 pm
Little Bear is in a committed relationship with his Smurfette, so already he’s got a leg up on the both of us.
I wouldn’t look at it like that. I think commitment is good, and relationships can be fun and are kind of necessary in a way. But, just because someone is in one doesn’t mean that they’re ahead of people who aren’t.
Perhaps I’ll never understand. I, too, was once too afraid to ask a girl out. In some cases I still am. But at least I understand it’s an irrational fear and can overcome it when I really want to.
That’s the important thing — to try and overcome it instead of ignore it. I learned that in Boy Scouts, then I forgot it. Then, I relearned it again awhile back. It’s the 10th point of the Scout Law. 
BRAVE
A Scout can face danger even if he is afraid.
He has the courage to stand for what he thinks
is right even if others laugh at or threaten him.
Being afraid is human. Humans who don’t really feel emotions like fear we call sociopaths. They may come off as a little more confident when they pick up on girls, but they also have a nasty tendency to become serial killers.
Many people seem to think that the way to deal with fear is to pretend that they’re not feeling it. I haven’t seen a lot of real success with that strategy. I hear a lot of people talking about fear, anxiety, and nervousness in our culture. But I don’t hear a lot of people talking about bravery, courage… and, you know, boy scouts.
Comment from bassist
Time: June 25, 2005, 12:33 pm
Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Comment from dancing_dentist
Time: June 25, 2005, 12:42 pm
It makes me uncomfortable to hear about guys talking about womens’ appearances so superficially. And what, are our breasts a completely different entity altogether?? I don’t even notice “eye-candy” men, much less how “hittable” they look. I wish men could notice women more like the way women notice men. Like from how witty or nice they are. maybe nice eyes? But I understand that men are scientificually proven to be more visual and primitive about choosing mates, etc. But I wish it didn’t have to be that way. And this is coming from someone who knows she’s a dish anyway. I’m beginning to understand there is a deeper rationale behind women dressing tznius. maybe I’ll start doing this. Thanks for the wake-up call! Good lucking finding someone yummy-looking.
Comment from bassist
Time: June 25, 2005, 12:56 pm
I got yelled at yesterday by a woman for not ever talking about physical appearance in this manner, so I made a concerted effort to. Responses like yours are the exact reason I try hard to look beyond the physical. Persoanlly, I think the three most attractive features on a woman are her eyes, her smile, and her intellect. Of course I notice women’s bodies as well, but it’s generally not the clincher. We all superficially judge people, women included, even if they don’t want to admit it. I agree, men are far more blatent than women about it, but I’ve heard plenty of women speak in the same manner about guys having a nice ass, good abs, hair (don’t get me started on hair).
The question becomes: if I’m criticized for being a chauvenist pig and for not being one, is there any safe place to be anything?
Comment from lightinjuly
Time: June 25, 2005, 2:47 pm
Whats the worst that could happen??
Well they could tell you you’re a terrible waste of space and they would rather blind themselves with a hot poker than speak to you for another second….or something to that effect. I think it’s very very very very normal to have that fear.
Comment from leideigh
Time: June 25, 2005, 3:10 pm
people’s standards of beauty often reflect how they feel about themselves. here’s where i could go off on a big ole philosophical/psych rant, but i’ll save that for those still in school
don’t be shy to ask girls out. even if they say no, be assured that it totally made their day, or in some cases, even week.
Comment from bassist
Time: June 25, 2005, 3:16 pm
Sure, they could say all that, but they’re still just words. Afterwards, you still have your friends and you’re right back where you were before, admittedly with the knowledge that you’ve just been spared a date with an asshole. Personally, I think that’s still ahead of the game.
Comment from bassist
Time: June 25, 2005, 3:17 pm
See? This is why I miss having you around. At least there’s one sane voice out there.
Comment from leideigh
Time: June 25, 2005, 4:13 pm
thanks! i take that as a compliment
Comment from dancing_dentist
Time: June 25, 2005, 4:49 pm
whoever criticized you for not doing this was an idiot, or based on the circumstances, was confused perhaps. Women who do it disgust me too. I think it’s okay to think about privately, but talking about it with others is yuck.
Comment from dancing_dentist
Time: June 25, 2005, 4:51 pm
If you’re sure the person at least likes you as a friend, then this will never happen.
Comment from dancing_dentist
Time: June 25, 2005, 4:52 pm
btw, now that I’m done complaining. I agree with you.
Comment from leideigh
Time: June 25, 2005, 5:44 pm
thanks i read back and agree with you as well.
i’ve just noticed that guys who always need to feel validated by their peers seem to think that the best-looking women are the ones that society has assigned the title “hot.” aka paris hilton. most guys who are comfortable with themselves don’t find her attractive, but the vast majority of men (in america) would die to just be seen with her. deep down, they may not even find her pretty at all. but they’ll shout to the rooftops that she is, because that’s what everybody else is doing. remember when kate moss was so in? farrah fawcett? even clara bow? standards change, but men don’t. i’ll stop ranting now
Comment from bassist
Time: June 25, 2005, 5:53 pm
You get a woman who comes along and is beautiful inside and out, and suddenly everyone is looking for women who share the appearance even though they may not share the brilliant personality or the stunning mannerisms that made the first one so special. It establishes a standard of beauty based solely on the physical despite that the ethereal is what’s truly attractive. I don’t think most men realize that it’s not how someone is similar to that currently socially accepted pinacle of beauty, but what makes a woman different from everyone else that’s really attractive.
Comment from leideigh
Time: June 25, 2005, 6:00 pm
that makes sense, i agree. however, i firmly believe that superficiality supercedes most, and i myself am guilty, but i also believe that as you get older and gain more experience this can change. most of the young guys i know are like that. girls, too. hell, i was! does that make sense? i’m high on coffee
Comment from lightinjuly
Time: June 25, 2005, 6:53 pm
this was in reference to strangers- friends are a whole different and equally bad type of rejection.
Anyways I’m the person who’ll be certain someone likes them (as in they’ve even told me) and still somehow be terrified of rejection.
Comment from dancing_dentist
Time: June 25, 2005, 6:53 pm
cool, I never thought of objectifying women as part of peer pressure… how mind-boggling.
Comment from bassist
Time: June 25, 2005, 6:58 pm
I’m far more faraid of asking a friend out than a stranger, simply for the reason that it changes the dynamic of the relationship. You’ve got this fine status quo and you have to go fuck it up because of your crotch.
Of course, if they say yes, the relationship is generally (in my experience) better than it would’ve been with a stranger.
Comment from lightinjuly
Time: June 25, 2005, 7:08 pm
yah exactly- there’s the terrible fear of losing the relationship all together
Comment from aquajubbly
Time: June 26, 2005, 1:23 am
RE: the “idiot” statement, watch the commentary, you don’t know me, and were not privy to the conversation.
First, I did not yell at you. Second, what I asked for was a demonstration of interest in the girls you were supposedly attracted to. The example I gave you was of a friend of mine admiring the adorable smallness of his girlfriend’s t-shirts while he was doing her laundry. A far cry from “she had nice, round tits.”
Comment from dancing_dentist
Time: June 26, 2005, 11:52 am
I was kinda worried I would get in trouble for that… I tried to hint there was probably some confusion but I did a bad job. I did not mean to call you personally an idiot. Just in theory a girl who would yell at a guy for not objectifying women, which apparently you didn’t do.
But yeah I agree. Definitely let a girl know you’re interested by letting her know she looks nice.
Comment from dancing_dentist
Time: June 26, 2005, 12:00 pm
so basically you have to know the difference between speaking “crudely” to your “buds” about womens’ appearances, and telling women “nicely” that you appreciate how they look.
Comment from aquajubbly
Time: June 27, 2005, 2:37 am
it’s cool… You were mislead by Ben… It’s all his fault really….
Comment from danizepp
Time: June 27, 2005, 3:01 pm
By honestly describing the appearance of an individual, I don’t think that it is necessarilly objectifying. Girls who like girls do the same thing to each other–have you ever heard of Peaches? Have you never judged an individual or have observed something humiliating and “honest” about that person? I think its human nature to take all of these into account–which explains why advertising and visual media will always have sexually stimulating proteges integrated into their marketing campaigns. In order for humans to not observe certain things or profit from crouch motivataion (ie;fliritng + eye contact=big tips) you would have to reprogram the human pysche.
Comment from dancing_dentist
Time: June 27, 2005, 3:49 pm
Just ’cause it’s human nature doesn’t make it excusable. That’s what separates us from animals, that we have the ability to overcome our inborn instincts for the purpose of what’s proper in our culture.
And yes, honestly describing what you see objectively is not objectifying a total person, as long as that’s not all you see. My complaint is when men (and even women) “honestly describe” women in a vulgar way. Even if it is human nature, keep it to yourself!
Comment from dancing_dentist
Time: June 27, 2005, 4:14 pm
good job, ben,
I think you have accumulated the most comments on a post I have seen on any postings that weren’t specifically in a group. So, I’m throwing in this one more to sweeten the deal a little.
Comment from bassist
Time: June 27, 2005, 4:22 pm
Don’t toast me just yet. A friend of mine had 130 comments on one of her posts. Admitedly, it was because she had a conversation with a friend on there, but still…
Most of the time, it’s just controversy that breeds comments.
Comment from otioselyyours
Time: June 25, 2005, 12:39 am
I cannot ask a guy out to save my life.
I can totally jump a guy first, no problem.
But I absolutely cannot ask them out.
This is a problem.
Mais, comme toujours, c’est la vie. C’est MA vie.