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Worldwide Ace » Somewhere in Boulder…

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Somewhere in Boulder…

17 February, 2005 (02:57) | Random

Deep in the heart of Boulder, Ben sits at his desk typing an entry drunk. He’s just come from the Jeff Donenfeld going away party, for J.D. is moving to New York the next day. Our hero is desperately trying not to make any spelling or grammatical mistakes while typing, and wonders if he should’ve driven home or not. He did give himself nearly 45 minutes and three glasses of water to sober up, but driving under the influence is still not a good thing.


EARLIER THAT EVENING, as Ben oversaw two Newsies toiling away at their machines…

“I couldn’t stand Oscar Wilde. I found him overly verbose and often condescending, though I must admit that the plot of A Picture of Dorian Gray was second to none,” says Ben.

“I liked it,” responds Bobby.

“I have to agree about the wording. I mean, he used ‘languidly’ three times. Three times!” exclaims Molly.

“Wait, you know he used ‘languidly’ three times?” asks Ben.

“Well, I kind of noted it the first time, cause that’s not that common a word, you know? I mean that’s the kind of word you use once– languidly– and then you’re done.” Laughter spurts from Bobby and Ben.

“You noted it. I don’t think I’ve ever read a book that closely,” says Bobby.

“It’s not exactly a common word.”

“Good point,” responds Ben, “but you have to admit, it’s impressive you remember he used it thrice.”


MEANWHILE, ACROSS CAMPUS, three students sit down to watch their bootlegged copy of the O.C.

“Goddamn Seth is hot.”

“Tell me about it. I would totally jump him.”

“I heard the guy who plays him is so totally gay.”

“NO WAY,” exclaim the other two.

“YES way!”


LATER THAT EVENING, Ben makes his appearance at Jeff Donenfeld’s party, only to find himself once again in an awkward position. Among a group made up of the Gay Eskimo, Steph, Mr. Baseball, and newcomer Lindsey, Ben discovers he is enamored with the newcomer despite her apparent love of chess.

“So how about that chess,” remarks Ben slyly as the Gay Eskimo and Mr. Baseball discuss an entirely different topic with Steph.

“Did you know pawns can move two on their first move?”

“Get out!”

“No really, they can!” the girl remarks sarcastically.

“It’s shocking,” responds Ben, suddenly coming to the realization that an attraction is brewing. “When I went to the– and this sounds really geeky– anime convention to *AHEM* cover it for the news, I saw–”

“Cover it for the news, HA!” she laughs.

“No really! It was for the news! I got Steph and J.D passes and– Steph, didn’t I cover the anime convention for the news?”

“He–well he got me and Jeff free passes. But he had a good time,” says Steph.

“It’s true,” Ben mutters as the newcomer laughs.

“But I was the only one who dressed up, I wore a whole costume…” replies Steph, taking the conversation in an entirely new direction. Slowly, Ben realizes that Steph and the new girl are bonding and while left out, Ben decides being able to maintain the company of two lovely and entertaining ladies is far better than wandering off for more drinks. As the night wears on, Ben gives Lindsey his number and comes to the realization that if he weren’t so poor, he likely would her ask her out right then and there. Instead, Ben slinks home, covered in water spilled on his shirt and proceeds to sleep in preparation for the upcoming day.


STAY TUNED NEXT TIME for more heart-pounding embarrassment as Ben prays for the newcomer to actually call him and deals with his financial short-comings. Same Ben time. Same Ben journal.

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  • This is your greatest post ever.

  • This is your greatest post ever.

  • “I couldn’t stand Oscar Wilde. I found him overly verbose and often condescending, though I must admit that the plot of A Picture of Dorian Gray was second to none,” says Ben.

    I also couldn’t agree more about Oscare Wilde. Not only did I find him condescending, I also strongly disapprove of how thoughtless he was of his wife and kids. I mean, it’s one thing to be gay in a culture that oppresses you. I’m sure that sucks. But, if you’re married, and you have kids, you need to keep your marriage together for them until they’re old enought that they can handle you running off and being gay.

    If I could go back in time, I would say to Oscar… “I mean, if you want to run off and bang sassy little twinks, thats cool. But for the love of God wait until your kids are over 18. Do what you can to provide them a stable and healthy childhood. I know your gay and living in a victorian culture than frowns on homosexuality, and you may have felt somewhat coerced in to your marriage for that reason… But… really… Your a father, and your kids have to be your first priority. What kind of a father can you be to your children if you’re in jail for ass tapping? And you need to be honest with your wife. Shes always treated you well, and at the end of the day you are cheating on her.”

  • “I couldn’t stand Oscar Wilde. I found him overly verbose and often condescending, though I must admit that the plot of A Picture of Dorian Gray was second to none,” says Ben.

    I also couldn’t agree more about Oscare Wilde. Not only did I find him condescending, I also strongly disapprove of how thoughtless he was of his wife and kids. I mean, it’s one thing to be gay in a culture that oppresses you. I’m sure that sucks. But, if you’re married, and you have kids, you need to keep your marriage together for them until they’re old enought that they can handle you running off and being gay.

    If I could go back in time, I would say to Oscar… “I mean, if you want to run off and bang sassy little twinks, thats cool. But for the love of God wait until your kids are over 18. Do what you can to provide them a stable and healthy childhood. I know your gay and living in a victorian culture than frowns on homosexuality, and you may have felt somewhat coerced in to your marriage for that reason… But… really… Your a father, and your kids have to be your first priority. What kind of a father can you be to your children if you’re in jail for ass tapping? And you need to be honest with your wife. Shes always treated you well, and at the end of the day you are cheating on her.”

  • Wilde was a product of the time. He couldn’t help what aould now be labeled his homo or bisexuality, and I see no reason why, as a gay man, he should’ve been prevented from having kids by the culutre he was living in. His wife could’ve left him if he were truly a bad husband/father (and she may well have since I’m unsure about his personal history.

  • Wilde was a product of the time. He couldn’t help what aould now be labeled his homo or bisexuality, and I see no reason why, as a gay man, he should’ve been prevented from having kids by the culutre he was living in. His wife could’ve left him if he were truly a bad husband/father (and she may well have since I’m unsure about his personal history.

  • to be fair, leaving your husband is not always an option, even today, and far less so back then.

  • to be fair, leaving your husband is not always an option, even today, and far less so back then.

  • That post is AWESOME.

    I don’t think I’m that coherant sober..

  • That post is AWESOME.

    I don’t think I’m that coherant sober..

  • I was kind of impressed myself. Admittedly, I did go back through and proofread it, though I was still drunk. I had one spelling error and a switch of tenses.

  • I was kind of impressed myself. Admittedly, I did go back through and proofread it, though I was still drunk. I had one spelling error and a switch of tenses.

  • i’ve definitely had my fair share of drunk entries and they are absolutley nowhere near as coherent as that.
    you’ll probably be witnessing one of those entries tonight.

  • i’ve definitely had my fair share of drunk entries and they are absolutley nowhere near as coherent as that.
    you’ll probably be witnessing one of those entries tonight.

  • Actually, I do have one question… did that chess conversation ACTUALLY take place, or was that just a cartoonish portrayal of the real chess-talk?

  • Actually, I do have one question… did that chess conversation ACTUALLY take place, or was that just a cartoonish portrayal of the real chess-talk?

  • That really happened. The only thing I doubt happend was the O.C. interlude that was intended to mock the anti-intellectual masses.

    I believe it started when she mentioned she had never played checkers, so we started talking about board games. In order to include Mr. Baseball (who’s Japanese), I tried to bring Go into the conversation. I was unsuccessful, but I did spring a tangent that both Lindsey and I weren’t exactly with, so it came back to chess. Eventually, we started discussing music and events and other things, but yeah, chess was kind of the glue that kept the conversation going.

  • That really happened. The only thing I doubt happend was the O.C. interlude that was intended to mock the anti-intellectual masses.

    I believe it started when she mentioned she had never played checkers, so we started talking about board games. In order to include Mr. Baseball (who’s Japanese), I tried to bring Go into the conversation. I was unsuccessful, but I did spring a tangent that both Lindsey and I weren’t exactly with, so it came back to chess. Eventually, we started discussing music and events and other things, but yeah, chess was kind of the glue that kept the conversation going.

  • Should I start digging through your archives?

  • I know what you mean. I don’t think I could ever leave my husband. He’d probably kill me.

  • Should I start digging through your archives?

  • I know what you mean. I don’t think I could ever leave my husband. He’d probably kill me.