The Burden of Being a Family Man
Have you ever tried to raise flying poisonous snakes in the same house as children? Needless to say, it’s not easy. I got mighty pissed off when one of them bit my daughter and killed her. In fact, unbeknownst to me, the snakes had be reproducing all willy nilly. One minutes I’ve to two in a cage and the next there are at least six to eight flying around trying to chow down on the wife and kids. I think it’s pretty obvious that flying poisonous snakes are not good house pets.
When you have a pair of sweet little daughters, about 4 years old, you know it spells trouble having pets… especially ones that are poisonous and prone to biting. They burst out of the cage and flew towards one of my daughters, biting her and sending her quickly on to the next life. Livid I began to hunt their brood. I grabbed a handful of two tined BBQ forks and started chucking them at the beasts. They spread out, hiding in corners and even attacking me. I was bitten 3 times in the arms, blood and poison dripping from my wounds, but my anger drove me on.
My family dead, I skewered two of the snakes with a single throw, leaving them to writhe, pinned to the wall. I lept out the window and caught a snake as it dove for my neck. I bit me, a lump in my throat swelling, but I crushed it in my hand ripping it’s body off me. It’s head stayed attached to my neck. I grabbed it, blood spurting as I pried it’s death grip off and gulped down my ichorous breath. I lept from the roof, skewering another mid-flight and sending it tumbling towards the ground below. These snakes had guaranteed their own executions.
I floated, chasing the last one for miles. It’s red, white and green feathers fluttered as it tried to elude me, but I stayed with it. We reached a large house by a lake and it dove for cover. I followed, landing softly on the rooftop. The snake ducked in through a window and I slid off the roof onto a balcony. I pried the doors open, brandishing my last BBQ fork.
The darting movement from my right surprised me and I threw, narrowly missing a cat. I retrieved my fork, carefully tiptoeing around corners. The cat cried out and I burst into motion, my legs blurring as I dove for the door. The fork flew before I even knew I had thrown. A terrible hiss escaped from the snake as it and the cat’s corpse had been thrown four feet into the wall by the force of my makeshift dart.
It was over, but at what cost. My entire stock of feathered, flying, poisonous snakes was gone. I had lost at least a daughter, perhaps my whole family, and I had no idea where I was. I climbed back on the roof and lept into the air, expecting the wind to carry me as it had during the chase. Instead, I plummeted from the top of this four story house, my eyes flying wide in disbelief. But the soft landing surprised me as I awoke in my bed, my family a figment and the snakes a myth of night now left behind.