Warning: Parameter 1 to wp_default_styles() expected to be a reference, value given in /homepages/16/d202020116/htdocs/worldwide/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 601

Warning: Parameter 1 to wp_default_scripts() expected to be a reference, value given in /homepages/16/d202020116/htdocs/worldwide/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 601
Worldwide Ace » An Empty House

Worldwide Ace

Because a true Ace is needed everywhere…

Entries Comments


An Empty House

5 August, 2004 (22:56) | Growing Up

There’s something about being in an empty house that unnerves me. I feel it when I’m in an apartment too, but it’s far more pronounced since I moved into an actual house again. I absolutely hate the feeling of being alone, and I don’t mean alone as in not with someone, but alone as in nobody, not even strangers, are around. I start to get this creeping expectation of someone or something lurking around the corner; odd echoes of childhood fears and bogeymen. There’s a sense of emptiness, that there’s nobody there to share the experience of that place at that time. Perhaps it’s a fear of disappearing; of not having anyone to see me disappear. Whatever it is, it’s creepy, and the larger the space, the odder it is.

It’s not all bad, I guess. When nobody’s there I have liberties to do things I wouldn’t normally. I can masturbate with the sound turned on high from the porn movies… hell, I can masturbate with my door open. I can walk around naked (which I often do since it’s enjoyable). I can go into rooms that aren’t mine and look at things that aren’t mine and figure out elaborate stories about the little things people keep hidden away. I can spread myself out, leaving things in different parts of the house and wandering from place to place for whatever fits my fancy at that moment. I can rule the house. But every time I think about taking advantage of the emptiness, that feeling sweeps over me; the paranoia that even in my own house I’m not really alone.

I remember the first time my parents left me home alone. It was kind of stormy and the house was dark and empty. I took Gatsby, our fluffy orange tabby cat, and holed up in my Dad’s office. The door stayed shut, so occasionally Gatsby would paw at the bottom to go out, but I didn’t feel comfortable alone. I played an online MUD (Multi-User Domain) on CompuServe set in this old vampire castle, so that certainly didn’t help things. Regardless, for 4 hours, I didn’t leave that room, and when the garage door finally went up, marking my parents’ return, I still stayed nailed to that chair until they came and got me.

Even now, when I’m home alone, I often hole up in one room or another. I may wander into the kitchen for a snack, which I then take back to my den of antiquity, or completely move to another room, but I’m very stationary when I’m alone. It’s why I like having roommates. Only someone else can keep me from cocooning myself away for eternity.

«

  »

  • As a SCIENTIST I am PLEASED and INTRIGUED by your frank discussion of PERSONAL matters in the INTERNET. THANK you for your FRANK and HONEST discussion of your personal FEARS and your PERSONAL… You are a credit to our CIVILIZATION.

    That is all.

    Lars Winterhoof.

  • As a SCIENTIST I am PLEASED and INTRIGUED by your frank discussion of PERSONAL matters in the INTERNET. THANK you for your FRANK and HONEST discussion of your personal FEARS and your PERSONAL… You are a credit to our CIVILIZATION.

    That is all.

    Lars Winterhoof.

  • if you find this so amazing, you’ve obviously missed the point of livejournal. sorry about that.

  • if you find this so amazing, you’ve obviously missed the point of livejournal. sorry about that.

  • I played an online MUD (Multi-User Domain) on CompuServe set in this old vampire castle

    Oh stars, I used to play that game! Well, maybe not the same one, but it was definitely on CompuServe and set in an old vampire castle. And I’d get so into it that occasionally I’d seriously start and gasp when it said,

    ** Someone is behind you.

    Or whatever. Heh. But yeah, I know the feeling … Being alone, especially at night, kinda freaks me out. It’s partly why I was considering getting a cat.

    I think the best thing to come out of this post though was that you used to have a cat named Gatsby. That’s great. *g*

  • I played an online MUD (Multi-User Domain) on CompuServe set in this old vampire castle

    Oh stars, I used to play that game! Well, maybe not the same one, but it was definitely on CompuServe and set in an old vampire castle. And I’d get so into it that occasionally I’d seriously start and gasp when it said,

    ** Someone is behind you.

    Or whatever. Heh. But yeah, I know the feeling … Being alone, especially at night, kinda freaks me out. It’s partly why I was considering getting a cat.

    I think the best thing to come out of this post though was that you used to have a cat named Gatsby. That’s great. *g*

  • I’ve had many cats. In order (as I remember them): Rufus, Marble, Vanilla, Ember, Vanilla II, Cameo, Gatsby, Amelia and Magellan (Twins), Mau, and Fluffy. I really wish I had a cat now, but nope, not happening.

  • I’ve had many cats. In order (as I remember them): Rufus, Marble, Vanilla, Ember, Vanilla II, Cameo, Gatsby, Amelia and Magellan (Twins), Mau, and Fluffy. I really wish I had a cat now, but nope, not happening.

  • Fluffy?
    😉

    Who was that winterhoof person! That post cracked me up…

  • Fluffy?
    😉

    Who was that winterhoof person! That post cracked me up…

  • I don’t know, but check out his user info… I’m so creeped out…

    Fluffy was named by the family who owned him before us. They ended up with too many cats, so my parents adopted him my sophomore year of college.

  • I don’t know, but check out his user info… I’m so creeped out…

    Fluffy was named by the family who owned him before us. They ended up with too many cats, so my parents adopted him my sophomore year of college.

  • ok, here is a question. Would you rather be creeped out 24/7 by being alone, or would you rather have a roomate that ate all of your food, never paid the rent, and who did really WEIRD stuff in the kitchen?

  • ok, here is a question. Would you rather be creeped out 24/7 by being alone, or would you rather have a roomate that ate all of your food, never paid the rent, and who did really WEIRD stuff in the kitchen?

  • Well played, clerks. Well played.

  • Well played, clerks. Well played.

  • well played clerks? I am confused–I tried googling that phrase and came up with an index of blogs. ?

  • well played clerks? I am confused–I tried googling that phrase and came up with an index of blogs. ?

  • How odd… It’s a quote from Clerks: The Animated Series. It basically says “You didn’t really say anything that amazing, but I have no response and feel completely trumped by your wit and vigor.” See also: admission of stupidity.

  • How odd… It’s a quote from Clerks: The Animated Series. It basically says “You didn’t really say anything that amazing, but I have no response and feel completely trumped by your wit and vigor.” See also: admission of stupidity.