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Worldwide Ace » Racist Bastard

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Racist Bastard

26 November, 2003 (02:03) | Social Commentary

Sometimes I hate myself simply because I can’t do what I truly want to.

The other day, on my way to school, I passed a black man. He wasn’t scary looking or even as big as me. He wasn’t threatening or mean. Still, in the back of my mind I wondered if I should say hi to him so he’d know I was friendly. I wondered if he’d be angry if I walked by, my eyes ahead, completely ignoring him like I do everyone else. I wondered if I should walk up, introduce myself and shake his hand. I chose option #2.

It’s not as if I’m really a racist. Sure, I say things like “If only Hitler had been accepted to the Vienna Art Institute we might have gotten to see the good in him,” but it’s just to bait people. I tell jokes about Irishmen, priests, rabbis, Italians, homosexuals, and others not because I dislike them, but because the jokes are funny and help me remember how wrong the stereotypes are.

I have friends of every nationality and race. My best friend when I lived in San Francisco was Hispanic. In Boston, Irish Catholic, Iranian and Ukrainian. At CU, Indian, Asian, and Scandinavian. I was taught to play basketball by a black girl at my school, whom I still admire a great deal.

I’ve even experienced racism in both the form of racial prejudice (the black father of a black friend of mine excluding me from her birthday party because I was white and he didn’t want that kind of influence on her) and anti-semitism (many times).

But even with all these reasons and examples of how I’m not a racist, of how I don’t judge people, I still end up looking at them and judging them based on their appearance. I assume, and it hurts me more than it hurts people.

Perhaps it’s a good thing, because every time I jump to a conclusion, I know enough to bash it down. Every time I make an assumption, it’s a reminder that I’m prone to assumptions, just like everyone else; a reminder that I have to watch myself and always be vigilant that I don’t end up being a racist… a real racist.