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Worldwide Ace » Joy, and Pain, and Sunshine, and Rain….

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Joy, and Pain, and Sunshine, and Rain….

22 October, 2003 (17:22) | Growing Up

I’ve cried for emotional reasons 2 times since my grandmother died when I was 14. When she died, she collapsed right outside my room where I could hear her body thud against the ground. She had inoperable breast cancer, so it wasn’t much of a surprise to any of us. While my mother screamed and yelled and my Dad ran around calling an ambulance and trying to get a path cleared, I calmly walked back into my room, shed 3 tears and told my friend, who was playing a game with me over the modem, that my grandmother had just died and I couldn’t stay to finish the game. I was ushered back to boarding school 2 days after the funeral, so I didn’t really have a chance for it to sink in.

Since then I cried once when I didn’t get to play in my last lacrosse game of my high school career and we lost by 1. I think it was the helpless feeling that did it. Then, my freshman year of college, I cried when my bass broke because it was my only connection to music that I had. Sure I had 2 others back home, but that was 2 week wait. Either way, I feel they’re both shallow reasons to cry.

I didn’t cry when I watched animals die while working at the pet store, even though we were doing everything in our power to save them. I didn’t cry when one of my best friends was in a life threatening accident. I didn’t cry when my father had a heart attack and my mom kept telling me how close he was to death over the phone, even though it was exaggerated.

Today, when I heard Elliot Smith had died, I was on the verge of tears.

The worst part was that I went to lunch at one of my favorite Italian places, and the food was so good. I tried this stuff called Chinoto, which is this weird citrus drink that’s sweet and bitter at the same time. But my mind was in mourning mode, and it almost felt sacrilegious to be enjoying the food so much with Elliot Smith gone…