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Worldwide Ace » Responsible Ignorance

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Responsible Ignorance

1 October, 2002 (23:21) | Random

Big Hands

I’ve been looking at my hands again. You may think it’s weird, but working at a pet store I get all sorts of cuts and scrapes. It’s really strange how in love with my hands I am. No, I didn’t mean it like that. Here’s what I meant:

Last Spring, I flipped my bike and crashed hardcore. I got a concussion and have scars on my wrists from it. The first coherent thought that crossed my mind when I got up was, “I think I just ruined that scar on my pinkie!” I was surprisingly upset.

See, people’s hands tell you so much about them. You can tell what sort of family they come from; what sort of life they’ve had; whether they’re lovers or fighters; if they’re musicians; what their sex is (most of the time, ESinfeld episodes excluded), and what sort of work they do. Some people say that your hands can tell you distinct things like shoe size and penis length, but I digress. When I look at my hands, I know they’re distinctly me.

The only problem I have with my hands is the size. Don’t get me wrong, there are perks to having big hands: catching baseballs with no glove, being able to play bass, impressing the ladies… but I digress. The problems, in my opinion, nearly outweigh the perks: I can’t play guitar; I can’t use those tiny lighters; it’s harder to fit into tight spaces (usually a problem, but sometimes a perk); I have a lot more skin to get cut up; Some of the muscles are really weird. It’s not exactly my idea of the best of things.

The worst part is that I know I’d be much more appreciative of my hands if I got the chance to use them in an advantageous situation. Too bad this world is designed for mediocrity…

Hard Core Like a Frozen Apple

Have you ever tried to eat a frozen apple? You look over at someone holding this shiny apple, dripping with what looks like juice, and you think to yourself, “Hey! That looks good! Maybe I can sneak over and snag a bite and she won’t notice…” So you sneak up behind her and chomp down and KAPOW! Suddenly your teeth are ringing… or is that the dentist calling?

Moderation and Excess

One of my favorite sayings is, “Moderation is the key.” One of my other favorite sayings is, “Bestiality is not the answers,” but that’s not what I want to talk about. I’ve decided that all problems (besides health stuff that you can’t avoid) is due to excess. If you’re fat, you eat too much. You can be too poor, or too rich (though some may disagree), too hot, too cold… etc. There are so many toos.

I figure that if we can live in perfect moderation, our lives would be perfect. Of course, they’d be really boring, but hey, that’s life.

Quotes of the Day

“I’d love to experiment with heat transfer, but I can’t find a girl who’s willing.” – me

Corinne: “Spanish is taking FOREVER!”
Me: “It’s been around a long time, but someday it will reach the next level.”
Me: “Evolution, Corinne, is the way of the future.”

“I’ve been suspended for radical communist thinking and repeated use of the phrase ‘Torch the Capitalist PIGDOGS!’ in my paper.” – Yuck from Sup & Yuck

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