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Worldwide Ace » Max & The Pornographer

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Max & The Pornographer

11 June, 2014 (06:24) | Women

Image from Adweek.com

Back before clickbait was clickbait, back when I was still early in my college career, I received an email. The subject read, “Have you seen this!?”

A high school friend had run across some risqué pictures of an acquaintance from high school. As I scrolled through the shoot I wondered what possessed this girl to take these less than comfortable photos. I sat there, dissecting the social norms, the shock and judgement of the email, and wondering if I even knew this girl well enough to ask her directly about the experience.

Suddenly, a lightbulb went off in my head: the girl was at UMass; so was my friend Max; the pictures were pornographic; and I seemed to remember my friend Max working with a pornographer.

Max has this incredible way of shifting the importance of things. Here he was, working for a pornographer in college, the ultimate wet dream frat boy job, and he had mentioned it offhand as if it were no big deal, so much so that it took me several moments to connect the dots between the photos and Max’s employer.

I was on the phone in an instant, a never-ending stream of babbling questions falling from my mouth. Did he still work with the pornographer? Did the pornographer know the pictures or who took them? What sort of situation was it?

Max, in his typical humble style, said yes, he was still working on IT stuff for the pornographer, and yes, he would look into it. A little while later, he let me know that indeed the pornographer knew who had taken the photos and that, lo and behold, it was him.

I, of course, only had more questions, though I could hear Max nonchalantly rolling his eyes over the phone. It simply wasn’t a big deal to him, this biggest of deals to myself and so many others.

But Max’s ability to shift importance doesn’t just go for making big things much smaller. It’s a two-way street. He can make the most mundane story seem stunningly fantastic.

A few years later in college, Max called me up. “The most incredible thing happened,” he said. The story started with him and his ultimate frisbee team driving across the country for a tournament.

Great! I thought. This is going to be an incredible tale of the frisbee team. Some fantastic ultimate frisbee catch or a crazy party or an amazing happening.

“We were driving for what felt like forever,” Max continued, “and then we stopped at this rest area.”

I was a the edge of my seat, wholeheartedly anticipating the awesomeness that was coming.

“You’re not going to believe it,” Max said, “but I peed for like 8 minutes!”

Here I was, working myself into an anticipatory froth, and Max wanted to tell me about his longest pee.

When Max met Julia, something changed. Suddenly, there were a lot more epic stories in his life. He talked about the incredible dinners he cooked, and the incredible woman he was seeing. His everyday life exploded with importance in a way I hadn’t heard before.

And when I asked him about how hard it was dating this girl 8 hours away in DC, he said it sucked, but he brushed it off as no big deal.

Shortly after his 30th birthday party, I pulled Max aside. Julia had conspired to sneak Zak and me into Boston to surprise him. She had spent weeks emailing all his friends, collecting blurbs, stories, and pictures for a book she was making for him. She even paid for my plane ticket, as I couldn’t afford the trip at the time.

“You know you need to marry this girl,” I told him.

In typical Max fashion, he simply said, “I know.”

This past weekend, Max and Julia got married in San Francisco. The wedding was incredible, the people wonderful and the couple clearly a perfect match.

Max’s skill at shifting the importance of things should serve them well. He can take the difficult things and deal with them as if they were small potatoes and make the little victories seem like the best thing in the world.

I hope that all of their adventures are even half as epic as Max will make them seem.




  • Julia Goolia

    love it 🙂