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Worldwide Ace » A Less Than Graceful Exit

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A Less Than Graceful Exit

25 January, 2014 (18:04) | Growing Up

I am extremely grateful for everything you’ve done for me over the years. I appreciate your generosity, your humor, and your friendship.

Even more so, I appreciate that you let me ruin your day and borrow your car at an ungodly hour to attempt to help my friend keep custody of her child. I understand that it was a difficult sacrifice to make, but I hope you know how much it means to me, and how much it means to her, that I was able to pick her up from the hospital, prevent her from being thrown in the drunk tank, and stop paperwork that very likely could’ve removed her daughter from her hands. You may not realize it, but it truly was a good thing you did and I will be forever grateful for that.

Your reaction after, however, has set in motion a chain of events that I do not feel comfortable undoing. I appreciate your anger and I feel bad that I ruined your day. I understand you’re a creature of routine and that one small bump can send you spiraling downward. For my part in that, I apologize, though I’m sure it does me no good.

I attempted as best as possible to roll with the punches this morning. I held my tongue at how furious I was that my routine had been upended by Jenny. My problems are small compared to the ones she’s dealing with. I tried my best to pick up the pieces when I returned, rushing to be ready for work, ignoring important parts of my regular morning. I was torn when you came down and exploded in your tirade, holding my tongue because you asked, unable to say anything but thank you, because I truly do appreciate your assistance. I at once felt guilt for upsetting you and upset that you might believe your day is more important than that little girl’s life with her mother.

As I left for work, I swallowed all my anger, all my guilt, all my pride in knowing that I did the right thing no matter the cost. And I spent the day seething beneath a smiling facade while dealing with all the rigors my job entails. I placated parents and entertained kids and fostered a kind and loving environment despite the swelling emotion. Every chairlift ride, I thought hard about your diatribe, and carefully considered the implications. Every time I slid off at the top, I tried to hide my pain and make sure that each and every child was happy and having a good day. In the end, I could come to only one conclusion:

I am the problem.

I know how much you loathe the idea of loaning me your vehicle. You made that clear enough that I completely stopped asking to do so. This morning, at an odd hour, when neither you nor I would be happy about the situation, I felt that circumstances might clearly be important enough to warrant your help. And you came through. And for that I’m forever grateful. But by the time I returned, you had worked yourself into a froth, uncaring at the circumstances, uncaring that you had just helped prevent two lives from being ruined, only caring about your day being ruined.

While sitting on the chairlift, I realized I have no right to be angry at you for trying to ruin my day in exchange. I have no reason to be mad at you for helping me realize what a burden and pain I must’ve been to your routine. And, most importantly, the only healthy solution to our quandary is to remove myself from your life.

I appreciate everything you’ve done for me and I hope that you know that I’d be happy to try to repay the favor from my paltry position in life. I’m attempting to do so by moving out and I will do my best not to reinsert myself into your life.

Thank you again for everything.

Your soon-to-be-former roommate.