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Worldwide Ace » Celestial Rings – Part I

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Celestial Rings – Part I

10 February, 2009 (08:33) | Unlucky 13, Women

Image from the Hubble Telescope

In high school, I didn’t really date. I had awkward relationships that were never quite defined, crushes on women who either rejected me outright or kept me waiting until I gave up, and short flurries of physicality that were wonderful, yet left a sour taste in my mouth soon enough after. Asking girls out I barely knew had failed, and pursuing relationships with friends seemed too dangerous, lest I risk the friendship. There was a fine line to be toed, and I had no idea how to do it.

College seemed like a fresh start, but it didn’t actually work that way. By the time Christmas break was done, I had nearly destroyed a close friendship, alienated several strangers, and had the worst dating experience of my life.

Valentine’s Day went by with the regular solitude marking its passing. February spilled into March. I stood idly by, watching as the blossoming Spring accelerated people together like atoms colliding and coupling into molecules, only to break apart and reform into new compounds. It was both stunning to see it happen on such a large scale and depressing to know that to me women were noble gases, completely lacking chemical reactivity under normal circumstances.

I wish I could brag that I was in the Accelerated Astronomy class at CU despite not being an astronomy major, nor a physicist, nor a mathematician. The truth is that the Accelerated Astronomy class was easier than the normal Astronomy class… in some ways at least.

In the normal Astronomy class, you have an assignment every day. None are tremendously hard, but all are time consuming. In Accelerated Astronomy, we were simply expected to learn; no silly assignments, no busy work. For some, that may seem harder, but the time I saved by not having to do little assignments each day meant I could focus on my other classes and actually have a well rounded education.

There were two other benefits to the Accelerated Astronomy class that weren’t academic. First off, the class was only 30-40 students instead of several hundred, meaning the teacher knew us each by name and we knew each other. Secondly, the class contained a heavy percentage of females, and every one of them was as intelligent as they were beautiful if not more so.

Each day when I walked into class, I’d slide into my seat toward the back. Since the Accelerated Astronomy class was a two-part course, everyone knew each other well by now and had formed into cliques. Though the class had dwindled to just under 20 students between semesters, two others from my little group remained. An aloof surfer boy named Chris usually found his way to sit to one side of me, the two of us chatting and sharing notes. My other side was often filled by a raven-haired beauty named Cheyenne, or Shy for short.

Shy had a smile that could make me melt, liquefying me faster than iron flung into the center of the sun. Her brown eyes had just a tinge of green that glowed with an unparalleled albedo, her black rimmed glasses acting as the pinhole projector allowing me to gaze at what should have burnt my retinas to a crisp. She had a simple, yet elegant wardrobe, her turtlenecks and long skirts a stark contrast to the tawdry elements of sorostitution popular with the college crowd; yet it wasn’t prudish or frumpy like the socially awkward garb worn by geeks. The other girls appeared childish and immature simply by being in her presence, like stars appearing dimmer in the night sky due to the brightness of Venus passing by them.

The beauty of my relationship with Shy was that it wasn’t a relationship at all. We were classmates, friendly within the confines of a predefined state of being. I had no need to worry that asking her out would destroy our friendship, since there was barely one there. At the same time, we were familiar enough that it wasn’t as awkward as asking out someone I knew not at all.

I walked beside Shy down the hall, our conversation spilling out of the classroom for the first time that I could remember.

“Really? They’re coming to the Fox Theater?”

“Yeah,” I told her. “I saw it on the concert calendar. I’m really stoked!” She giggled.

“You really say stoked?”

“What’s wrong with stoked? It’s a perfectly good word. Should I have said excited? Delighted? Thrilled? Atingle?” Other students in the hallway stared as we laughed our way out into the Springtime sun.

“Atingle! You’re like a thesaurus, you know that?” Shy remarked. “I’ve got to run and catch my bus.” I was about to let my racing heart go fuck itself and just ask her out when she leaned in and gave me a hug. It wasn’t the first time she had given me a hug, but the hug had, in fact, stymied me. As she had pulled away, her hand had brushed my neck, a small cold fleck of metal making me wonder how much I actually knew about this woman.

“See you Thursday!” I watched her hand closely, seeing the gold sheen flashing at me as she waved. Standing on the sun drenched sidewalk watching her walk away, I was filled with a sense of dread.

Oh shit, I thought. She’s married.

Wedding Ring

Women have a lot of habits that simply don’t make sense to me. Their love of jewelry, for instance, is one of them.

A necklace is ok; rings are somewhat nice, and earrings range from tasteful to bawdy, but the more metallic crap piled on a woman, the less it seems to mean. That second necklace actually detracts from the first one, and rings are really only good to indicate engagement or marriage, or if you literally want to make an impression on the person whose ass you’re kicking. There are exceptions, such as class rings or letter rings that would traditionally indicate a relationship, and who does that these days?

Given that Shy seemed perfect in so many ways, I wasn’t about to give up hope. Instead, I was going to do my reasearch, bide my time, and make sure I got this right. If she were married, it would all be forgotten. And if she weren’t… let’s just say victory would be mine.

To Be Concluded in
Celestial Rings – Part II.

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  • Matt

    Feeling lonely before valentine’s day? This is 10 strait posts about women! In other news: game night has been officially plugged for your Zombiepocalypse Presentation.

  • Matt

    Feeling lonely before valentine’s day? This is 10 strait posts about women! In other news: game night has been officially plugged for your Zombiepocalypse Presentation.

  • Anonymous

    If you’ll notice, all these posts fall in a very special category: Unlucky 13.

    It’ll be 13 posts leading up to V-Day all about my failures in dating. Unlucky 13 indeed!

  • If you’ll notice, all these posts fall in a very special category: Unlucky 13.

    It’ll be 13 posts leading up to V-Day all about my failures in dating. Unlucky 13 indeed!