Clearing My Head
For the last month and a half, I’ve been suffering from a guilt complex that manifests itself as writer’s block. I should be used to guilt complexes, given my Jewish roots, but for some reason this is different. Though I take time daily to search for jobs, even if its only a half-hour, whenever I sit down to write, I find myself distracted and thinking about how I could be spending that time searching for a job. It’s somewhat of a catch 22, as I then feel guilty about not finishing any writing the rest of the time.
Yesterday, as I sat in front of the glow from my monitor, the heat, the guilt and the utter contempt for my current status combined into a rash head-clearing explosion of epic proportion. Unfortunately, it was far more literally head clearing than figuratively; for the first time in nearly a decade, I find myself clean shaven (photo evidence below).
Midway through the process, with the right side of my face cleared of the thick bush that was my beard and with two clear streaks dissecting my Jew fro, I felt sudden regret. I had been contemplating cutting down for several weeks, but I never expected to be so impetuous about it. The regret wasn’t that I had sliced off my thick mane in the heat of the moment, but rather that I hadn’t captured a before image for posterity. Never had I sported a beard so thick, and with one fell buzz, it was gone.
I’ve shaved before, in multifarious combination. I’ve had sideburns and soul patch. I’ve had a handlebar moustache (for a week, no more). I’ve had full goatees and partial goatees. I’ve had chin straps and bees nests. I’ve had lush, full beards as well as the slim, well-kempt one I’ve kept most of the time. But clean shaven was never in my facial wardrobe.
There have been myriad reasons to shave, from women to illness to showing them how it’s done (hence rocking the handlebar). Though it may have been whimsical, there was always a reason or impetus… until now.
“You look weird,” my roommates have both told me.
“I feel weird,” I’ve responded.
Feeling weird isn’t a bad thing. Sometimes, I just need a change. I can only hope this is a change for the better.
Over the next few weeks, my beard will slowly regrow. It’ll be a narcissistically painful process, not that my l0ve of self is all that great. If my theory of relatively proves true, then as my hair returns, so will my sanity.
That’s all I can ask for.
After all, at my age, I can only grow as a person or as a hairy person.
Comments
Comment from jennyjenjen
Time: July 23, 2009, 3:14 pm
WHOA! Quite the change!
I wouldn't say you look “weird,” maybe just slightly different. Changes ftw though. Whee!
Comment from AceHarmon
Time: July 23, 2009, 3:17 pm
The beard shall return, as soon as hair allows.
Comment from jennyjenjen
Time: July 23, 2009, 3:24 pm
Yeah, the beard is very “you.” I'm starting to think that my glasses are nearly essential to my face, at least while it's been this round… which has been since, oh, sophomore year.
Comment from erin
Time: July 23, 2009, 3:52 pm
wow.. you have freckles…. and your glasses are crooked. and I'm sure you have a s much bear by the time you were done posting this, than some people have after several weeks.
Comment from AceHarmon
Time: July 23, 2009, 4:21 pm
I have lots of freckles and moles. I even have a beauty mark above my lip, not that that's helped me any.
My glasses are always crooked. I play sports so they get bent all out of shape with regularity. I actually should get a new eye exam and some new glasses very soon.
My beard grows fast, but not that fast. that picture was taken about an hour before it was posted, so I don't even have a five o'clock shadow. Plus, that's 12 hours growth you see there.
Comment from danielle
Time: July 24, 2009, 12:31 am
wow. you look really different. If I were to pass you in public I may not recognize you. Ummm. wow, you also look younger.
Comment from AceHarmon
Time: July 24, 2009, 12:42 am
Given what others have said, it's harder to guess my age with the beard. Without it, I'm just mid-20s.
Comment from lizzie
Time: August 21, 2009, 2:27 pm
Is that a receding hairline, or do I just need a new monitor?
Comment from AceHarmon
Time: August 21, 2009, 4:27 pm
It may be receding, but not nearly as much as it appears in the picture. After all, my hair was cut shorter than my beard is kept normally, so at the top where you're looking through rows of hair, it seems much thicker than it was, and in front, where the angel is top down, it seems thinner. I'm sure I'll start balding at some point, but I have more hair than a lot of friends my age right now.
Comment from noahdiamond
Time: August 21, 2009, 4:48 pm
Yo! Noah here. Long time no see. I have not seen your face since I stayed the night at your place and watched that movie with a bunch of short flicks and witches performing fellatio.
http://images.roosterteeth.com/images/SpiceyCar...
Taken before I went to Army Basic Training.
- Noah L Diamond
Comment from lizzie
Time: August 21, 2009, 6:27 pm
Is that a receding hairline, or do I just need a new monitor?
Comment from AceHarmon
Time: August 21, 2009, 8:27 pm
It may be receding, but not nearly as much as it appears in the picture. After all, my hair was cut shorter than my beard is kept normally, so at the top where you're looking through rows of hair, it seems much thicker than it was, and in front, where the angel is top down, it seems thinner. I'm sure I'll start balding at some point, but I have more hair than a lot of friends my age right now.
Comment from noahdiamond
Time: August 21, 2009, 8:48 pm
Yo! Noah here. Long time no see. I have not seen your face since I stayed the night at your place and watched that movie with a bunch of short flicks and witches performing fellatio.
http://images.roosterteeth.com/images/SpiceyCar...
Taken before I went to Army Basic Training.
- Noah L Diamond