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Worldwide Ace » Beneath the Surface

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Beneath the Surface

3 May, 2009 (18:13) | Random

informant
“The Informant” by Beau Eaton, architect of the V01D.

“Seriously. Ask any of them. They’ll know about it.”

Her eyes were wide with seriousness and her voice firm with conviction. The intrigue hung in the air like a mist. As we stepped away from the counter, our world open to new possibilities, only her promise remained, everything else fading in comparison.

Spend enough time in Boulder and the conspiracy theorists eventually crawl out of the woodwork. There are conspiracies about 9-11 and about government regulation of marijuana. There are conspiracies related to cars and alternative fuels and the cost of public transportation. And if a real weirdo is espousing his or her views, there are conspiracies about clowns and PETA and the Illuminati designing chess as a Last Starfighter style recruitment game.

Most of these theories are the inane ramblings of quacks and people too uneducated in the ways of critical thinking to realize it. Sometimes, however, the truth floats just out of our reach because it’s simply too strange to be believed.

This was the case when a bleary eyed teen whispered the code into our ears; a code which opened up a world I never thought existed.

“Let’s do it,” Matt told me. With time to spare and a special voucher in hand, I knew that an hour out of my lazy Sunday afternoon could bring something truly special to the fore of my day.

We slung our bikes onto the rack and quickly stashed our gear in our bags. There was nothing on our persons that would give away our intentions. The parking lot was busy as usual and it took Frogger-esque skills just to traverse across a single lane. The building stood ominously before us, its silent call beckoning gently beneath the day’s gray skies.

The sign on the building read Jamba Juice, but concealed within the corporate trappings of the Starbucks owned smoothie chain was a secret spoken only of in whispers. My excitement and my skepticism were holding a battle royale for domination as we flung the doors open and made our entrance. The flourish didn’t alarm the unassuming sheep currently masquerading as customers.

jamba

“Goodday,” Matt said, his hand waving our entry voucher. “I have here a coupon which has your address on it.” He flipped the flimsy full color card so the clerk behind the register could see. His nametag read Josh, but it could’ve been a lie to throw us off the scent. “We attempted to utilize it earlier at another location. In Safeway.”

“Yeah,” said Josh, his demeanor unfazed by our brashness. “They’re kind of useless like that.”

“But we can use it here?”

“Yeah.”

With that acknowledgement, Matt leaned in, his eyes flitting both ways as he prepared to push the envelope and enter uncharted terrirtory. The clerks eyes began to narrow and I could see the nerves appear.

“We also heard that there was a special recipe you had.”

“Well,” coughed Josh, sweat building on his brow, “there are the old recipes.” He pointed to a sign above the blenders with a list of smoothies no longer normally made. “Some people seem to like them.”

“Specifically, we were told to mention…” he leaned in, his voice dropping to whisper, “fruity pebbles!” The clerk’s face turned ash white at the mention of the cereal.

“Shhh!” he said. “Keep it down. No one is supposed to know about the secret menu.”

My head snapped toward Matt and our eyes met. I think my disbelief matched or exceeded what I saw in his expression.

“So it’s true,” I said.

“Yes,” admitted the clerk. “Though we don’t have all the items available.”

“What do you have available?” asked Matt.

The clerk whipped out his phones, deftly maneuvering through menus as he pulled up his list of goods. Matt and I huddled around the tiny screen staring at what had only been a rumor a moment ago.

“We can make this, this, this and this for sure, but we can’t do this or this.” His finger darted over the screen, pointing at strange codenames I had never seen before.

“You have one called the Crack Star? Not a very secretive name,” I remarked.

“Shhh! We prefer to call it the Starcaptain.”

“I’ll take a PB&J,” I told him.

“Which do you like?” asked Matt.

“I like the Pink Star,” Josh replied with a smirk. “That and the Fruity Pebbles are good.”

“I’ll try that,” said Matt.

The secret menu at Jamba Juice is called that because it’s a secret. More and more, it’s not a very well kept secret. Jamba Underground, a website dedicated to cracking the code and putting it all out there, has begun to collect the secret recipes.

As part of joining the underground, I’ve been sworn not to mention more than I already have, so if you’re curious as to what this secret menu really is and are feeling adventurous, go into a Jamba Juice and ask. The PB&J was amazing. I’m sure you won’t be disappointed.

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  • jennyjenjen

    Haha, love this post! Made me laugh. You need to get back to writing more!

  • Peter of the Norse

    There used to be a pizzeria in boulder that was known for it’s white sauce pies and exotic toppings, like shiitake mushrooms. And “special greens”. When your ordered them, you’d slip the delivery guy an extra $10 + tip and he’d send it on to the chef. The rumor is they got shut down when a cop ordered and the person manning the phones suggested it. As soon as he hung up, he called his boss and said, “I Think I just ordered some pot.” La Gondolier sits there now.

  • AceHarmon

    I've heard that story. I heard it was about the Magic Mushroom, which
    was on Pearl where La Gondalier used to be (before moving to 16th and
    Pearl where BD's used to be).

  • Peter of the Norse

    There used to be a pizzeria in boulder that was known for it’s white sauce pies and exotic toppings, like shiitake mushrooms. And “special greens”. When your ordered them, you’d slip the delivery guy an extra $10 + tip and he’d send it on to the chef. The rumor is they got shut down when a cop ordered and the person manning the phones suggested it. As soon as he hung up, he called his boss and said, “I Think I just ordered some pot.” La Gondolier sits there now.

  • AceHarmon

    I've heard that story. I heard it was about the Magic Mushroom, which
    was on Pearl where La Gondalier used to be (before moving to 16th and
    Pearl where BD's used to be).