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Worldwide Ace » How to Properly Care For Your Nalgene

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How to Properly Care For Your Nalgene

14 July, 2008 (13:25) | Travelogue

Vault Soda

“I’ve drank two thirds of a twleve pack of Vault in the last three days!” I cried, my face contorting in a grimace. “It’s disgusting.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty gross.”

“And you know I rarely drink caffeine if I can help it. It’s killing me.” I hung my head. “I couldn’t fall asleep at all last night. That stuff is really throwing off my cicadian rhythms.”

“You mean circadian,” corrected Denise.

“Yeah. What did I say?”

Cicada by Mark A. Hicks“Cicadian. Circadian rhythms relate to the 24 hour cycle of day and night. Cicadian rhythms related to the chirping sounds of the cicada.”

“Oh,” I noted, filing away my mistake for future play as eggcorn. “Well, my circadian rhythms are way off.”

“Why don’t you just drink water, or juice?”

“Well, I just bought all that soda. You know. You were there. Besides, I don’t have a water bottle.” I scrunched my nose up in annoyance. I was all ready to pack my Radio 1190 Nalgene for my trip, but decided not to in order to preserve space. “Unless, of course, you have a Nalgene I can borrow?”

“Nope. I got rid of mine before I came out here.”

“Why?” I asked in disbelief. “Nalgenes are great! Someone could’ve used them.”

“It’s not like I threw them out. I gave them to Crystal,” she explained. “They had developed that weird funk anyway.”

“Yeah,” I replied with an empathetic grimace, “I know what you mean.”

Anybody who has ever made the mistake of leaving something sitting in their Nalgene for an extended period knows about NFS (Nalgene Funk Syndrome). If you leave, say, Kool-Aid in your Nalgene, it will taste like Kool-Aid. If you leave a gin and tonic in it, however, it’s not pretty. Even just leaving water in it—assuming you’ve taken a few sips from it—can leave it tasting like your mouth funk.

NalgeneKeeping a Nalgene tasting fresh and clean is no easy prospect. The cleaning regimin required can seem quite absurd. Considering that the way to keep it tasting clean changes as the bottle ages, that makes it even harder. To make things easier, here’s a list of dos an don’ts for keeping your Nalgene clean.

  • Rinse Regularly — It probably goes without saying that washing your dishes is the best way to keep them clean. Unfortunately, sending a Nalgene through the dishwasher early in its life can leaving it the taste of soap permanently glomed on there. If, instead, you simply rinse your Nalgene and let it air dry over night, you’ll be able to keep it fresher without the risk of soap flavor. If you do need to really scrub it out, do it by hand. After a few years of regular use and washing, your Nalgene will be dishwasher safe.
  • Water, Good. — The best way to keep your Nalgene fresh is by being consistent. Using it only for water will eliminate the chance of getting other flavors stuck.
  • Kool-Aid, Bad. — On the other hand, be careful what you put in your Nalgene. My roommate Ironman used to make up personal batches of Kool-Aid in his Naglene. On the upside, it never tasted funky really. On the downside, anything else put in there tasted like stale Kool-Aid. Other items to be cautious about: mountain water, coffee, pickle juice, soda (especially cola), lead paint, large amounts of semen (assumedly for Bukake), urine, and shards of glass (it won’t change the flavor, but you might cut your mouth).
  • Chill, Winston — Nalgenes don’t like heat. Most plastic things don’t. Recent studies linked some #7 plastics to hormone disorders. While many #7 Nalgenes aren’t made with the BMAs, the easiest way to help lessen seepage is don’t heat up your Nalgene. This means when you do stick the Nalgene in the dishwasher, turning off the heat dry is essential. Heat dialates the molecules and increases the chances of bonding with flavors and releasing toxic substances. Some people recommend getting rid of your Nalgene altogether, but what isn’t going to kill you these days anyway? I know I’d kill you if given the chance. You know, for the kids.

The easiest way to keep your Nalgene fresh is not to use it. There are plenty of other alternatives out there as far as water bottles go, but most seem to suffer the same problems.And, if you feel like being wasteful, you can continue to buy bottled water with their NEW, IMPROVED, EVEN MORE FRIENDLY PLASTIC that still takes more energy to recycle than it does to refill your Nalgene.

If you do use a Nalgene or water bottle, following these tips is a good way to keep it tasting fresh. If not, they should apply to most water bottles. Regardless, it definitely beats douching.

Better Bottle



  • Peter of the Norse

    The new Radio 1190 bottles are ♳ which don’t get as funky. Nalgene has dropped ♹ because of the health concerns. And I love using symbols that you don’t have installed on your computer.

  • Peter of the Norse

    The new Radio 1190 bottles are ♳ which don’t get as funky. Nalgene has dropped ♹ because of the health concerns. And I love using symbols that you don’t have installed on your computer.